


tearing me up

by agravemistakewasmade (agravemistake)



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Abernathy has a Graves problem, Abernathy wants to love Graves, Emotional Manipulation, Grindel!Graves has other ideas, Grindel!Graves is Not Nice, I don't know what I'm doing, Inevitable desk sex, M/M, Manipulative Gellert Grindelwald, Obsession, One sided attraction - or is it?, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Second Person, Pining, Unhealthy Relationships, not a nice AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agravemistake/pseuds/agravemistakewasmade
Summary: Haven’t we all had that excruciating, one sided crush? Perhaps on a coworker, a friend, or someone already in a relationship? Or perhaps it is on your superior, someone is a high position of power, someone like the Director of Magical Security?Pining after the man for years, all advances unnoticed. Of course, given your position as the head of the wand permits, it would be wildly inappropriate. Even so, your infatuation grows, you simply can’t shake it, even if the man can barely remember your name.But what would you do if things changed? If all of a sudden he returns from Europe with something different about him? He sees right through your attraction, gives you looks that make you freeze in your tracks? And what if, one day, he demands to see him in his office?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll add any additional warnings at the beginning of chapters, as necessary.

You’ve always watched as he moved with such grace, his long coat flowing behind him as the walked into the building. You would watch as everyone else would step out of the way to let him pass, gazes following. He always nodded at everyone politely.  Impeccably dressed as always, a grey three-piece and a dark blue tie. He disappeared around the corner into his office.

It wasn’t that you were obsessed, you always tell yourself, you enjoy arriving to work early and laying out all the things you needed to do for the day. Watching Director Percival Graves walk in was an added bonus. Working in the dark halls of the wand permit office, you didn’t get to see much of Mr. Graves without going out of your way.

On the rare occasions that he did go down to your office, as soon as you saw the man approaching you felt that tightness in your chest. Your heart beat faster almost threatening to escape and you could almost feel yourself floating out of your body. Whenever Mr. Graves asked you to double check anything or to do something for him, you would always respond. “Of course sir. Anything.” You really mean it, you would do _anything_ for this man. You dreamed that one day perhaps, Mr. Graves would come down to that office and ask you to help him with something, or invite you back to his office, even _touch_ you.

Even if it was just a dream. It could only be a dream, your _infatuation_ was wildly inappropriate. Aside from the obvious fact that Mr. Graves was your superior, there was absolutely nothing to suggest the fact that Mr. Graves himself was even interested in men for that matter, not to mention you.

Sometimes you found comfort in the fact that he was not the only one interested in Mr. Graves, but also in the fact that none of them seemed to stand a chance either. You saw the way that young auror, Goldstein, drooled after him, she wasn’t the most subtle. She wasn’t the only one, here sister, Queenie swooned near him, and several other auror, male and female, showed their interest. You wouldn’t even be surprised if the president hadn’t even considered it herself.

Mr. Graves was so effortlessly attractive, he must know he is, dressing the way he does. With his hair and the way he stood, it was almost as if he was doing it on purpose. But you knew, he wasn’t. The man was not only attractive, but he was extremely skilled, and just so _perfect._ His only flaw, perhaps, was his obsession with his work. If it was even a flaw, it shows how passionate he is able to be, and if anything makes him even more alluring.

In all the time you’ve known Graves, you had never even seen the man be in a relationship. Unless, of course he hid it very well, which would not be impossible, but after so long it was unlikely.

Lately Mr. Graves had been spending many long nights in the office. With Grindelwald’s activity all over Europe, you could imagine it all being a nightmare for Mr. Graves. You would catch him in his office in various states of undress, without his tie, his shirt undone, hair in his face, looking over maps and reports. You were often already on his way home at the time, but Graves seemed like he would be there a while. On several occasions you would bring Mr. Graves coffee or tea, offer him help. Mr. Graves thanked you but suggested you go home. Home was certainly not where you wanted to be, but you didn’t want to intrude on Mr. Graves.

Raising some concern, in recent months you observed Mr. Graves leaving at odd time, likely meeting someone. This puzzled you, who could he be meeting that it wasn’t within the MACUSA headquarters. You thought about it a lot, but without actually following the man, you couldn’t find out. You tried to reason with himself, coming up with rational explanations, a change in schedule, or he was meeting an informant.

You couldn’t truly investigate, as your days of pining after Mr. Graves were now limited by the new worker in his department, Tina Goldstein, former auror, now demoted. If you didn’t know the real reason for that, he’d like to think she’d made a move on Graves, only to be rejected.

 

When you learn that Mr. Graves is going to Europe to search for Grindelwald with several aurors, you can’t help but panic. He’ll be gone for a month at least and it’s so dangerous. No, you can’t even bare to imagine it.  

You tried not to act differently, or say anything odd, just went about things as you normally would. But the time went by faster than anticipated and you find yourself one of the last people in the office the night before Mr. Graves departs for London.

You’re not sure what you’re doing but, you go down to his office and find him sitting there, with a glass of something, Scotch you assume.

“Mr. Graves, sir?” you ask, peering around the corner.

“Yes, Abernathy?” he asks, looking up. The man was beautiful, he always was with his perfectly fitted suits, but now with his tie off, his sleeves rolled up and his shirt undone he was just, so, irresistible.

You walk into the office, hesitantly.

“I, uh, just wanted to wish you the best in Europe, and I hope you return soon, successful.” you try to keep your voice steady.

“Thank you, Abernathy.”

This is your cue to say goodbye and leave, but you can’t bring yourself to leave. Instead, you find yourself on the other side of the desk from the man, who is now staring at you.

“Is there anything else?” He asks, brushing back his hair.

“Yes-”

Dammit, you curse at yourself for ever letting yourself get this far. You walk around the desk towards him.  

He sits there looking up at you, and you just, can’t help yourself, you lean down and quickly kiss those soft lips. Just quickly.

You look back down at him, his eyes are wide and confused, and he is unmoved.

“Abernathy, I- I had no-”

“Goodbye for now, Mr. Graves, have a safe journey.” you say before he is able to continue.

Your heart was beating so loud, you were almost sure Mr. Graves would hear it.

“Goodbye, Abernathy. We will speak again when I return.”

You leave. You can hear him starting to pack up his things for the night. You’re still not sure about what just happened. Fuck. You should have said something, tried to explain. No, it was too late now, you would have to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Abernathy backstory

You could still remember the day clearly, your very first day at MACUSA, working as an assistant in the wand permits office. Your father had found you the job. You dreamed of being an auror once, but it was never a realistic option for you.

Mr. Graves was already a well known senior auror, people would talk about how he'd be president of MACUSA one day. He was handsome and very good at his job, not to mention a powerful wizard from a well known family, it was almost inevitable.

All the stories couldn’t even compare to what the man was like in real life. Of course, you being you, ran right into the man on your way back to the office after getting lost during lunch break. He was so solid, the impact barely moved him, while you tripped over his foot and ended up on the floor.

You scrambled to apologize, but the man offering you a hand to help you up.

“It’s all right, I’m Percival Graves by the way,” he introduced himself, as if there were still people who didn’t know who he was.

“Yes, I know.” you responded awkwardly.

“And you are?”

“Abernathy, I’m in wand permits.”

“Nice to meet you, Abernathy. Be careful now.”

You watched him walk away, in his fitted suit with a leather coat draped over his arm. You knew from that day on that you would not be able to get that man out of your head.

***

It was several years later that Percival Graves, auror, became Percival Graves, Director of Magical Security. The first day he came into the building wearing that new coat, everyone was left speechless.

A couple of the other aurors had arranged a celebration for him, you found yourself in attendance.

You were standing on the far side of the room with a glass of champagne. Most of the department was also there, all dressed up and dancing, but you found yourself more interested in the conversation Mr. Graves was having with a young auror he seemed to take a liking to. Despite the party being in his honor, he was sitting around, talking about work.

“You should have fun, you’ve earned it,” she had said to him.

“I’ve got work to do in the morning, but I’m glad to see everyone enjoying themselves.”

“You can take one night off! There’s plenty of people here, I’m sure any lady here would be lucky to have a dance with you.” She was flirting.

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t dance. But you go have fun, Tina.”

With a sigh she left. That wasn’t the first time you witnessed Mr. Graves completely ignore any advances from a woman, almost as if he didn’t even realize. Sometimes it made you wonder, maybe it was that Mr. Graves wasn’t even interested in women.

You thought about going up to him. In fact, you almost brought up the courage to go over to him when another man got there first.

You weren’t able to pick up the conversation as the music had sped up, but the other man was British with red hair, his name was Theodor, or something like that. Mr. Graves was surprised, but very pleased to see him. It seemed like he knew Mr. Graves very well, the two had stood up and gone somewhere else.

You had tried to follow the conversation but some girl had distracted you, asking to dance. You didn’t have the heart to tell her no, but your head kept going back to seeing the two of them. She kept trying to talk to you, making small talk, eventually you put Mr. Graves and the mysterious British man to the back of your head. The girl was young, with curly blonde hair, a new coffee girl you'd seen before. It wasn’t until some time later that you learned that this was Queenie Goldstein.

***

Since then you could never bring yourself to talk to Mr. Graves about anything other than work. Maybe it was the alcohol that night that made you think that perhaps you ever could.

In the following years you were offered a position in Chicago with a family friends’ company. It would have been a step up, you’d thought about it extensively. It might have been the best choice to take the job, but in your heart you knew that leaving New York behind wasn’t something you wanted to do.

You’d fallen out with your family over that. Certainly they didn’t know the real reason, but your father was disappointed. All your own doubts were gone when you were promoted to head of the wand permits office at 26.

You thought, perhaps the position might lead to more time with Mr. Graves. You knew it was silly, this crush you’ve had that’s been pulling at your heart for as long as you’ve worked there.

Some days you’d say something awkward to him and just hate yourself, thinking it was time you moved on, he wasn’t interested. Why would he ever be interested in you, someone like him? Thinking that you should just marry some girl and make your family happy, hoping to one day you’d forget about this. With your new position and your accomplishments it wouldn't be hard.  

Though, dreams of the man haunted you constantly. He’d only said your name a handful of times over the years, but in your dreams he’d say it over again as he kissed you. You’d wake up hard and craving the real thing.

There were odd times, when you’d paced around your new desk, thinking about what exactly you would say to him, how you’d say it. You’d think about it every time you’d expect to see him.

Catching the man’s cologne as he walked into your office you would always set off guard. The man could nearly bring you to your knees without even saying a word. When the moment came you couldn't bring yourself to say more than several words before changing your mind.

***

The month while Mr. Graves was away passed slowly. You found yourself more frustrated with paperwork. Goldstein continuing to go against orders certainly didn’t do anything good for your nerves.

Nothing was running smoothly without Mr. Graves. This new threat had escalating, and you’d hear constant news of attacks from Grindelwald all over Europe. Five aurors had just been killed, and you were relieved to hear Mr. Graves was unharmed and returning.

You dreamed about variations of your next encounter with the man. _We will speak when I return._ Those words, the last thing he said to you before he left.

He didn’t flat out reject you, yell at you about how inappropriate your actions were, or tell you to leave. That in itself must be a good sign, at least maybe he’d let you down easy.

Sometimes you’d wish he’d just forget about the whole encounter, not saying anything either way. You weren’t sure which would be better.

There was, however, the small hope that just maybe, he’d kiss you back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things Happen Next chapter
> 
> Spoilers: Abernathy's not getting that kiss.
> 
> A couple notes:  
> \- Abernathy doesn't know much about Queenie, or her abilities  
> \- He's a workaholic himself too, aside from his Graves obsession (that's his only hobby)  
> \- Tina has a crush on Graves too, that's a whole other story


	3. Chapter 3

On the day Mr. Graves was supposed to return to work you found yourself waiting longer than anticipated. 

Mr. Graves didn’t come in until later, around 8am. He looked as handsome as ever but there was something different about him, you could tell. 

You couldn’t quite place it, though. He was dressed a little differently, some subtle changes you doubted anyone else who didn’t quite pay as much attention to him as you, would notice. His scarf wasn’t wrapped in a knot like usual and there was something new on his collar, pins you had never seen before. 

You were too caught up to realize he was now staring right back at you. Mr Graves was looking right at you with those dark eyes, you froze and tried to avert your gaze.  

You’d have to explain this to him somehow.  _ Think Abernathy, thing _ . You’d just tell him you were just glad to see him back. 

However your panic was unnecessary, he only studied you for a moment before continuing to the elevators.

***

You return back to your office, taking a seat and holding your head in your hands. Your heart was still racing from earlier and you wouldn’t be getting the image of Mr. Graves’ eyes on you out of your head any time soon. 

That stare. It was something else, not one you’d seen from Mr. Graves before, at least directed at  _ you _ . 

You sit back up as you notice Goldstein trying to sneak in between the desks. That girl, she thought she could sneak in late unnoticed. You could guess why she was late, she’d been watching the Second Salemers, they preach on a corner in the morning. 

This had become an increasing problem without Graves around, he seemed to be the only other person she showed respect for. She certainly didn’t care what you thought, even if she would address you formally. You weren’t sure what to do with her anymore, she did all her work more or less, but it was obvious how bitter she was, like she thought she was better than you just because she was an auror, and this was all temporary until Graves gave her her approval again. 

“Goldstein!” you yell out towards her. 

“Mr. Abernathy, what is it?” the exclaimed jumping out of her desk, as if she didn’t even realize you had been here. 

“Why are you late, again.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Abernathy. I was talking to Mr. Graves actually.”

“Oh, where you.” This wasn’t what you expected.

“Yes, he actually wanted to see you in his office later, he told me to tell you.”

Your heart jumped in your chest again.

“Really? Did he say why?”

“No, he didn’t say. May I get back to work now?”

“Yes, please do, Goldstein.”

You managed to keep your cool throughout the conversation, but you couldn’t stop all the thoughts running through your head. 

You sat down at your desk, trying to gather yourself before you went to see Mr. Graves. Why exactly did he want to see you? You idiot, of course it was about the kiss from before he left. 

Another thought appeared in the back of your head and you tried to push it back. Mr. Graves couldn’t just fire you for no reason... could he? 

_ Fuck. _

***

You finally bring up the courage to go to Mr. Graves office. 

The walk down the long dark halls seems to be never ending. As you pass a number of people you hope they don’t notice how nervous you are. 

You can practically hear your heartbeat echoing in the marble halls along with your footsteps. You finally arrive outside the office. 

Pausing for a minute you lean against the wall, straightening your tie. The stone is cold against your back. You take a deep breath and lean away, knocking on the door. 

“Come in,” the voice that haunted your dreams answers. 

“Good Morning, Mr. Graves, sir, you asked me to see you.”

“Yes, I did.”

A pause. He meets your gaze, the dark eyes almost staring into your soul. 

“Is there anything in particular you need my assistance for?” you finally ask, trying to break the tension.

“You were watching me.” 

It was all he said, still staring up at you. You can barely stand upright. 

“I’m sorry, I-”

“No.”

Another pause. You couldn’t take it anymore you leaned on the edge of the desk.

“Is this- about the night before you left?” You finally ask,finally. You could barely keep your voice steady.  

After a moment he answers.

“Yes. Would you care to remind me exactly what happened?”

You gulp painfully. What was he playing at?

“Mr. Graves, I-” You don’t think you could explain without collapsing at his feet.

“No, please, go ahead, tell me.”

You closed your eyes tight. You couldn’t keep his gaze anymore, and you definitely didn’t want to see his reaction. 

“I- well, before you left, I kissed you.”

“Oh yes, it seems you did.”

You didn’t say anything in return, just shut your eyes tighter, not sure what you were expecting. You heard him getting up out of his chair and walking towards you. 

There was a strong hand on your shoulder, and by the time you managed to open your eyes again there was another at your side, pushing you back against the cabinets that surrounded the office. 

The glass rattled at the impact and you looked up to see Mr. Graves eyes upon you once again. 

He was staring right at you, expression blank. You were having a hard time breathing with his hand against your ribs. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to. He was so much taller up close like this, towering over you.

This shouldn’t be turning you on. This should make you scared, make you want to fight him. 

That was stupid, there was no fighting him. 

You were scared, that was true, but you were also  _ aroused _ . 

Mr. Graves still stared back at you. He removed the hand from your shoulder and you relax for a moment, but then he flicked his wrist. You arms flew up and were pinned up against the cabinet. 

The glass rattled again, threatening to break. You heart was beating, you were sure he could hear it. 

You weren’t even sure what was going on, but it was starting to frighten you. You shouldn’t be growing hard. 

When a hand grabbed your thigh you jumped, not expecting the touch. He grabbed it hard, it was almost painful. You let out a yelp. 

You shouldn’t be growing hard. 

The hand moved up your thigh, tearing at your flesh. It stopped just inches short of your now full erection. 

He smirked down at you. 

Suddenly he let go, taking a step back, leaving you pinned there.

With another flick of his wrist he released you. It was sudden, you struggled not to fall onto the floor. 

“That will be all, you are dismissed.” Mr. Graves said finally averting his stare from you.

“What?” You ask looking over at him standing by the door, holding it open. Your cock was still fully hard in your pants. 

“Like I said, you are dismissed.” he motioned to the door. 

Still shocked you exit the office and the door closes behind you. 

You find yourself in the hall, trying to process what just happened. Thankfully you were alone. 

You left your wand in your office downstairs and you were never very skilled at wandless magic so you couldn’t cast a charm to make yourself hidden. You couldn’t exactly wander around MACUSA with an erection. 

You carefully make it to the nearest bathroom without anyone seeing you and decide you’d have to take care of it yourself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't quite go as planned, I might change/add to it later.

It’s been around a week since your last encounter with Mr. Graves. 

At first you thought about avoiding him altogether, but you found that he wasn’t exactly seeking you out again. He passed you on occasion but never met your gaze. Perhaps  _ he _ was avoiding you. 

You still struggled to comprehend exactly what happened in his office that morning. Nothing else seemed off, things MACUSA seemed to fall back into their regular rhythm with Mr. Graves back. 

You though that you must have imagined the whole thing, but then again of all things _ that _ was not something you’d expect from Mr. Graves. 

Had the whole thing been some way for him to scare you out of making advances towards him? It was certainly possible.

Then again you didn’t really know what he enjoyed, you had always thought of him as well, more tame, but this was  _ fascinating _ . Mr. Graves was hard to read, you couldn’t even begin to guess what was truly going on in the mind of his. 

Unable to push the thoughts of Mr. Graves to the back of your head, you tried focusing on your work. 

There weren’t many travelers this time of year and it’s not quite time for renewals so you ended up spending your time modernizing the filing system. It’s something that had been bothering you ever since you started working at MACUSA, it seemed you finally had an opportunity to do it. 

You had chosen Goldstein to assist you with the project. You’d never tell her this, but despite everything else she was quite a competent worker.  Besides, this would keep her out of trouble, and hopefully have her back on the investigative team and out of your hair in no time. 

By the end of the week you were growing restless. You began thinking of rearranging the office when you noticed Goldstein stand up from her desk with a stack of paperwork. 

“What’s that, Goldstein?”

“Oh, this is something Mr. Graves requested personally delivered to him.”

“Is that so? I can take it to him.” The words slipped out before you thought them through. 

“Oh no, Mr. Abernathy, I can take it.”

“It’s alright, you get back to work now, I’ll take it.”

You walk up to her taking the files from her hand. She looks down at you slightly confused, but hands over the files without giving you any more trouble. She’s almost a full head higher than you, that’ll never stop getting to you. 

***

When you’re in the hallway alone you take a deep breath. What were you thinking? Oh that’s right you weren’t thinking. You would simply take the files to him and leave, avoiding eye contact. 

Right?

What else could you possibly do, you weren’t exactly going to bring it up. You were completely at his mercy. 

You knock on the door

“Come in.” 

You find him sitting slouched at his desk, spinning his wand in one hand.

“Ah, you again.” he says looking up. You avoid his gaze.

“The paperwork you requested, Mr. Graves, sir.”

“Good.”

“Is that all you need sir?” 

Why did you ask that. 

“That depends.” He paused, he sat up straight in his chair and looked over at you. You find yourself looking at those dark eyes again. _ Dammit.  _

“I’ve seen the way you look at me.” He continues. 

“Oh, I-” you try to answer, but he places a finger to his lips shushing you. 

You stand there unmoving. 

“Perhaps, there is something else you could do for me.”

“I-”

“Ssh,” there it is again, the shush. You found yourself unable to answer. He stood up and walked over to you. With his height, he towered over you, but you didn’t seem to be bothered by it. 

“What would you be willing to do for me?”

He stepped towards you, until his face is only inches away from yours.

“Anything, sir.” 

“Anything, really?”

“Yes.” you answer quietly, letting out a breath.  

His hand is running along your jaw. His thumb brushes your lips. His other hand finds its way to your shoulder, pushing down.

“Kneel.” he says, and you find yourself on your knees before him. 

“Good boy.”

You’re not sure how to respond to that. You keep looking up at him, the hand that was on your shoulder was now brushing through your hair. 

You look away from his face for a moment and realize he was already half hard in your pants. 

_ Fuck. _

You’d done this before, but it’s been several years. Carefully you reached your hands up to undo his belt.

“You’re eager to please, aren’t you?” he said looking down at you.

You unfasten his belt and the buttons of his pants and draw Mr. Graves’ cock out of his pants. 

_ Fuck  _

You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but this certainly fit the man well. 

He brushed his hand against your jawline again. After a moment you put your mouth around his cock taking it in deep. 

That might have been a mistake, you find yourself close to choking. 

You close your mouth around his cock. You reach your hand up and slip it under his waistcoat and dress shirt, gently taking a hold of his hip. 

You run your mouth along his cock and you hear him moan a little. This pleases you, Mr. Graves made that sound because of  _ you _ . 

The hand in your hair tightens, starting to pull, you move faster, guided by it.  

Mr. Graves gasps. You would smile, had your mouth not been occupied. You reach your other hand up to grab his other hip to gain more balance.

“Fuck,” he mummers under his breath. You’re glad you remembered all that you learned in your early 20s so well. 

“Wait.” He says all of a sudden, he pulls you off him slowly by your hair. 

You look up at him hands still on his hips. He’s still pulling you back by your hair. With his other hand he take his cock, he strokes it moaning. 

He comes, spilling all over your face and your suit. That tie was certainly ruined but you couldn’t seem to care.

He takes a deep breath and steps back, you, still holding onto his hips struggle to keep your balance. 

“Well...”

“Like I said, anything, Mr. Graves.”

He turns around, you can hear him fastening his belt again. You’re still on your knees. 

“Do you need help cleaning up?” He asks, but before you can answer he makes a motion of your hand and you’re all cleaned up. You stand, your knees aching from the stone floor. 

He glances at you, “I’ll be seeing you again soon.” It’s not a question or a suggestion, but more of a command. 

“Certainly, sir.”

“Good.” he simply motions to the door. 

“Have a good afternoon, Mr. Graves.”

He doesn’t reply, but you slip out of the office.   

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at [a-grave-mistake](https://a-grave-mistake.tumblr.com/)


End file.
